Evanston RoundTable, Aug. 14, 2025

Who knew so many people were bursting to share their pet peeves?

I periodically post stuff on my Facebook page, and sometimes I get a few comments. Five or six would be a lot of feedback. But when I recently asked my Facebook friends to tell me about their favorite grievances, I was astonished at the response, a veritable gusher of vitriol.

One of the respondents quoted George Carlin, who said, “I don’t have pet peeves; I have psychotic effing hatreds.”

Whew, that’s harsh!

Herewith a list of the top several dozen peeves — from petty to spot on. The first six are mine. Feel free to add your own.

1. Phone trees that won’t let you talk to a person. I have suffered near-cardiac arrest shouting into the phone, “I want to speak to a person, A HUMAN!”
2. Online sites that require you to come up with a password to register, so they can send you unwanted and unneeded emails.
3. Help desks staffed with people who barely speak English and seem to be in a room three continents away with screaming kids or an office full of people.
4. Twist caps too tight to open without a monkey wrench, to which I condemn the Tylenol murderer to eternal damnation.
5. Piped-in music in every public space, always loud and usually obnoxious.
6. Squirrels in our bird feeder, though I suppose you have to admire the crafty rodents for their gymnastic prowess.
7. My son wrote, “Loud cars and motorcycles,” to which I entirely agree.
8. A guy I knew from grade school through high school, whom I wasn’t even aware followed me, chimed in with “Using the name ‘Buddy’ for everything from babies to goldfish. Use their [expletive] name.”
9. One of my oldest friends, with whom I talk at least once a week, weighed in with “People who don’t ask me open-ended questions. I can’t stand it when somebody (and I think you know one person who does it, Lester) asks me questions, but they try to put the answer in the question. If you wanna know something, just ask me an open-ended question and listen and then you’ll get the answer.” Obviously, that was directed at me.
10. He continued with “People who walk their dogs, watch them poop on someone else’s property, and then don’t collect it for disposal.”
11. And finally ended with, “How about allowing a car or a person to go in front of you and the person continues on without a simple acknowledgment or thank you?”
12. An old friend said, “I don’t like the word ‘lastly,’ no special reason. Also, something can’t be ‘very unique’ and I cringe at the incorrect use of ‘penultimate.’
13. A former colleague wrote “People in the left lane driving slowly. ‘No problem’ instead of ‘Thank you.’ ‘Bro this, bro that.’ How about a name? ‘Anyways.’”
14. A friend of my son wrote in, “Loud eaters.”
15. Back to one of my oldest friends, last heard from at No. 11, who resumed his tirade with “When I’m driving in the right lane and there’s a merging lane to the right of me and people try to speed up and cut in front of me and it makes me nuts. I move over to the right and block the lane so that they can’t cut the line. I know that’s probably real stupid, but I can’t help myself.”
16. A symphony musician with whom I used to play wrote, “People who curl up paper napkins into wads, unconsciously, at a restaurant.”
17. My niece wrote, “Writers for scripted TV shows who don’t know grammar. The most cringe-inducing error is the misuse of I/me. I find myself yelling at the TV.”
18. Another symphony colleague, coincidentally right after the missive from my niece, wrote, “The grammar police.” Then he apologized to my niece, whom he knows.
19. “People in shops, medical offices and similar places in this highly educated town who will call a man ‘Sir’ then turn to me — little old lady with white hair, cane and all that — and say in an overly sweet tone, ‘May I help you, dear?’ The last time that happened, I smiled brightly and said, ‘Yes, sweetie pie, you may!’ She looked surprised, so I explained why most of us little old ladies hate that type of address and how it comes across as exceedingly condescending. I think we came to an understanding — but maybe not!”
20. She continued with “People at concerts who shout ‘Bra-VA!’ at a female soloist. The adulation is nice and well deserved, of course, but, first of all, it’s ‘BRA-va!’ in Italian, with the stress on the first syllable, not the second, so if you’re trying to speak Italian, you’re pronouncing it wrong. However, we’re not speaking Italian at a concert in the U.S. of A., are we? We’re speaking English and thus would normally use ‘BRA-vo!’ for everyone. You can of course use ‘BRA-va!’ if you’d like, but I suspect very few people will hear your use of the feminine ending. And that’s the real reason for your use of ‘Bra-VA!,’ isn’t it? You’re actually showing off. You’re stressing the second syllable in the feminine — and doing it loudly — to show everyone around you that YOU know the ‘proper’ etiquette at a concert, which means (to you) always addressing a female soloist with the Italian feminine form, something the peasants around you in the audience obviously don’t know, so you will educate them. Bra-VO to you! You tell ’em, kid! But I’ve got news for you. You’re being pretentious. Cut it out. And get over yourself.” She went on to say, “Ooooo, Les! You really hit a nerve!” No kidding.
21. One of the earlier symphony colleagues, reading the above, offered up “Concert Mistress! That is not the female version of concertmaster. Master is taken from the German word Meister, meaning master or teacher, etc., while ‘mistress’ is a demeaning name that portrays the opposite of what’s intended, which is the greatest of respect.”
22. Another niece, a fine copy editor, wrote, “Inconsistent use of contractions in copy. (For the record, I’m pro contraction. It’s how we speak.) Leaving time on the microwave timer if you take your food out before the amount of time you’d set has expired. It’s not the next guy’s job to reset it! People manhandling their eating utensils … using them like I imagine cavemen using them. Bad table manners in general.”
23. My other niece returning to concur with No. 15: “Drivers going around long merging lanes and sneak/cutting in at the last second.”
24. And my nephew, disgorging a slew: “People walking down the aisle while there’s action on the baseball field. People standing at games for no reason, just to block my view. People with opinions backed by absolutely no facts or ignoring (or ignorant of) facts. People using surface level facts or stats to make a point without delving deeper. Not understanding the difference between correlation and causation. People smoking in public, anywhere. People in a party saving a table while others in their party are in a long line to buy their food. Talking, even on the lawn at Ravinia, while the concert is going on. People starting every sentence with ‘people.’ [Smiley face.] Parents ignoring their young children while they annoy others at a concert, ballgame, restaurant. The overuse, throwaway use of ‘so.’ ‘Does that make sense?’ People who are intolerant of peccadilloes. [Two smiley faces.] Thoughtless uncaring xxxx! People who can’t be bothered to bring their shopping cart to a cart corral or back to the store after unloading their groceries. The lowest form of humanity. I can’t wait to catch someone in action! Late birthday wishes stated thusly: happy BELATED birthday. No birthday is belated. The wish is belated!”
25. And lastly but not leastly from his son, my great nephew: “Old people who take forever at self-checkout and at the airport and ordering food. JK, I don’t care about any of that … but it’s ridiculous how most of these sound. The world changes faster than any person can keep up.”

True that. But pet peeves are forever.